everything that's on my mind

In his song “I Remember (It’s Happening Again)”, Griffin House sings about war, including the tragedy and suffering it causes. In the song’s final verse, he sings of a friend who is “fighting for our country” in the middle East, and near the end says, “I need a reason why.”

Everyone has felt that way at some point, and not just about matters of war and it’s justification. Injustice and suffering exist in abundance in our world. We see it every day in the news or in our lives. And “why” is often the question on our minds, if not on our lips.

A couple of years ago, I read Bart Ehrman’s book “God’s Problem: How The Bible Fails To Answer Our Most Important Question – Why We Suffer.” Part of Ehrman’s disillusionment with the Christian faith he once held to (he now considers himself agnostic) was his inability to find a satisfactory answer to that question: why do we suffer?

Many of the questions Ehrman asks in his book are questions I have as well. And many of the biblical answers he rejects are likewise difficult for me to swallow. Like Ehrman, I want to know why, and for some reason, the older I get, the more difficult I find it to accept the standard answers.

Just last week, another event not too far from my home brought these questions back to my mind yet again. Flash floods killed 20 people who were camping in western Arkansas, leaving families without loved ones for no apparent reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Two families camping together lost six members between them.

Candace Smith lost her husband Anthony Smith, 30, 5-year-old son Joey and 2-year-old daughter Katelynn. They were from Gloster, Louisiana.

Kerri Basinger lost her husband Shane 34, daughters Kinsley 6, and Jadyn 8. Jadyn was the 20th victim found Monday. They are from Shreveport, Louisiana.

I’ve seen report after report on both local and national news over the last several days, and it’s so difficult to watch. Why did it happen? There is no answer. Some would say that’s fine, that we don’t and won’t understand everything now. For me, that does nothing to quell the questions. I need a reason why.

We used to sing a hymn in the church I grew up in that includes the line, “we’ll understand it all by and by.” I’m not certain we’ve been promised that to begin with, but it is beyond my ability to comprehend how senseless death and suffering can be explained adequately. If eternity has all of the answers, why can’t it share them with us now?

Perhaps my frustration with this lack of explanation (or, at the least, a perceived lack) and my struggle with doubt clouds my vision. Philip Yancey has always been one of my favorite Christian writers. Just this morning, a post on his Facebook page quoted from one of his books:

Doubt is the skeleton in the closet of faith and I know no better way to treat a skeleton than to bring it into the open and expose it for what it is: not something to hide or fear, but a hard structure on which living tissue may grow.

Doubt was never exactly looked upon favorably as I grew up in the church. I don’t really recall hearing much about it, and if I did, it was clear that it was not a good thing. But for me, it has grown significantly since my youth. I always thought faith would be easier as I grew older. Instead, it seems the opposite is more often the norm.

God is supposed to be in control, but when flood waters wash children away from their parents and husbands away from their wives, it’s hard to have faith that this is true. Whatever it is that we’re supposed to find out “by and by” might be helpful about now, because in the present, it sucks to be in the dark about why these things happen.

Yet I have hope that Yancey’s quote is accurate. Perhaps good can come from the doubt and the anger as well, and perhaps someday the answers to the question will seem more acceptable, or at least not as necessary. Maybe faith will be enough.

Until then, the question remains.

As has been the case for the last several years, I’ve read far less than I wanted to read. In fact, this year got off to the worst start ever when I didn’t even finish my first book until late March. I went through several periods of not reading – lacking either time, desire or both. In the end, I averaged only about one book per month, while I would have liked to have read a minimum of two. I did begin several books and abandon them at different times, but as for finished books, the list is short.

Here are my favorites of the year.

The Unlikely Disciple : A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University – Kevin Roose

After meeting some students from ultra-conservative Liberty University, Roose – an agnostic student at notoriously liberal Brown University – decides to “study abroad” for a semester at the Virginia school founded by preacher/activist Jerry Falwell. He chronicles his semester in this book and it’s a great story, and probably not what you might expect. I posted about it last month, so you can read my full thoughts on it here. This was my favorite book of the year.

When March Went Mad: The Game That Transformed Basketball – Seth Davis

This was a fun read about the 1979 NCAA championship game, the events leading up to it, the people involved (most notably Larry Bird and Magic Johnson) and how it impacted the game of basketball both at the college and NBA levels. The game itself was one of the catalysts in creating the “March Madness” we all know and love today, and certainly the professional success of Bird & Magic and their role in reviving the faltering NBA is well-documented. It all started here, in a pre-ESPN time when most of the nation was first introduced to Bird & Magic either in the tournament or this very game. Great read, especially if you love college basketball (and if you don’t, you should.)

Saving Darwin: How to Be a Christian and Believe in Evolution – Karl Giberson

Giberson, a Christian scientist who subscribes to evolution as the story of our origins, attempts to explain why, and how he reconciles that with his faith. The historical nature of the book is what I found most interesting – Giberson’s own story, Darwin’s story, the advances of science since Darwin’s time, and the history of the debate between creationists and evolutionists (as well as the more recent “intelligent design” crowd.) He didn’t seem to spend much time directly addressing what you would expect from the subtitle (“How to Be a Christian and Believe in Evolution”), but he did, in my opinion, lay out a foundation one can use to consider that question on their own. A fascinating read.

The Know-It-All: One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World – A. J. Jacobs

This was as enjoyable as Jacobs’ more recent book The Year of Living Biblically, which I read last year. Jacobs sets out to read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica from A to Z, and this is the story of his adventure. Like Biblically, it probably was a little longer than it had to be, but still a lot of fun. Jacobs makes me laugh out loud regularly, and there are a lot of interesting EB facts in there as well. His attempts to interject his new-found knowledge into everyday conversations and his frustration with a know-it-all relative were always hilarious.

And here’s the rest of what I read.

• A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life – Donald Miller
  When a couple of directors contacted Miller about making a movie featuring his life, he was concerned he didn’t have much of a life that would interest anyone else. In this book he recounts his search for the story of his life. Didn’t grab me the way his previous books have, but still quite good.
• The Gold Standard: Building a World-Class Team – Mike Krzyzewski
  This book about the 2008 Olympic basketball team was not quite what I’d hoped. A lot more about team-building than I expected. Would have preferred if it had been entirely focused on the basketball part of the story, but still a good read.
• The Myth of a Christian Religion: Losing Your Religion for the Beauty of a Revolution – Gregory A. Boyd
  Good stuff, but nothing really new. Mostly stuff I’ve read/heard from Boyd or others already.
• Meeting Jesus Again For The First Time: The Historical Jesus and the Heart of Contemporary Faith – Marcus Borg
  I honestly have little recollection of this book. I must not have been paying attention. I’ll have to try it again.
• The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life As an Experiment – A. J. Jacobs
  Jacobs’ newest, which I did not find to be as good as Biblically or Know-it-all, but it still has plenty of good (and humorous) moments.
• Genesis – Bernard Beckett
  A nice little sci-fi novel (or novelette) set in a post-apocalyptic world with a not-too-surprising twist at the end.
• Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why – Bart D. Ehrman
  Very interesting book about how the Bible came to be and questioning if we actually have what the original authors wrote or copies manipulated by scribes and church officials over time.
• Crazy Love : Overwhelmed by a Relentless God – Francis Chan
  Just labored to finish this one. Maybe I missed something or I’ve just heard it all before, but really didn’t care for it at all.

That’s it. That’s the list.

I picked up six books from the library this week, and I’m halfway through my first. Hopefully, 2010 will get off to a good start and I’ll find time to read more this year. We’ll see…