everything that's on my mind

A better story

Sunday I bought Don Miller’s new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life, and began reading it immediately. I’ve enjoyed most of his previous work and was anxious to check out his newest.

I’m only about a third of the way through the book so far, but Miller was approached by a pair of filmmakers interested in making a movie based on his previous work, Blue Like Jazz. In other words, it will be a movie based on his life, at least to a degree. This book chronicles some of that process, along with the concept of “story” and the role it plays in our lives. Miller wonders if the story his life is telling – the story the film will tell – is too boring, and part of their work on the film involves making his story more interesting. One of the topics he discusses early on is characters: “a character is what he does.”

On rare occasions I am able to sit still long enough, avoiding distractions, and ponder my life. And I wonder if my story is worth telling. Is there a good story there, or, were it a movie, would it drive people to the exits or put them to sleep? I wonder if I’m succeeding as a husband, father, disciple, etc. The truth is, I don’t often feel that I am. I don’t know if there’s a good story there or not. I know that some of it is just lack of confidence, and I’m too pessimistic from the start. But I also know there should be more there. I sometimes read about people who have died, about their life, and I think to myself, “I wish that were my story.”

Last night, before bed, I sat with my daughter and we talked for a good 30 or 40 minutes. She began asking me all sorts of questions, many about my childhood and other family members.

I told her about where I grew up, a place not too far away from here but a place she’s never visited. I guess I’ve never really told her much about where I was raised for most of my early life. We moved to McCrory when I was two years old, and my parents stayed there for nearly 30 years, until they moved to nearby Searcy the month before my daughter was born. I’ve not been back in the 10+ years since they moved. Someday I’ll take her and my son there, and show them where I grew up, the places that were part of my life.

She asked about my grandparents, all of which had died before she was born. In fact, when I was her age, only one of my grandparents was still alive. My grandmother on my mom’s side died when I was in my late 20′s, a few months before I was married and a few years before my daughter was born. I told her some of what I remembered about my grandparents. She told me she felt sad that I didn’t have my grandparents around anymore.

We discussed a few other things before it was time for her to get to bed. Nothing too deep, just random topics that came to her mind. She asked questions and I answered them. Before she went to bed, however, she told me she wanted to do it again tonight. She wanted to ask me more questions.

In the “busyness” of our lives, we haven’t done that enough for quite a while. I realize more every year that time is getting away, and opportunities for moments like these are diminishing. I’m not completely certain what last night’s conversation, or similar conversations to come, have to do with my story or hers. But I have a feeling they’re pretty important. The fact that she’s suddenly interested in the part of my story that occurred before she became a part of it made me feel pretty good. She wants to know my story, even if I lack the confidence that it will be interesting. She’s pretty interested in it, and even wants to hear more. So, maybe it’s not that bad after all.

I’m the primary character in my story. A character is what he does. I hope my story is better, in the end, than I usually feel like it is in the present, and that my character will be one that I will be proud of some day when I look back on it, and one that my children will be better for having heard about and witnessed. My daughter is anxious to hear more. I intend to keep working on it, and determine to make the rest of it better than it has been thus far.

-gf