Last year in April, I took a month off from this blog. At the time, I considered just shutting it down for good. After more than a year and a half, I was tired of it. But, after some time off I came back and have, for the most part since then, posted on a pretty regular basis.

Now, a few months away from 3 years, I think that time has come. First of all, I’m finding it difficult to make time to post anything to begin with. It usually takes some time for me to compose a post (I tend to spend too long trying to decide if it’s what I want to say, and then still often change it here and there after it’s posted.) But even more of a problem is the fact that I’m finding it difficult to actually want to post anything. I have thoughts about various topics, but then just don’t want to put forth the effort to try to organize them into a post. In short, I’m tired.

That is, in part, due to stress right now. I’m pretty stressed at the moment due to various things I won’t go into right now. Nothing major, really, but I stress out over pretty much everything, and unfortunately, I don’t handle stress well, particularly when there are several different things contributing to that stress. Lack of sleep is one of the manifestations and it’s been a long week (preceded by several other long weeks in recent months.) Again, I’m pretty tired these days, both physically and mentally.

I’m finding it hard to find time to do things I really want to do, and dealing with online stuff has become too much of a task for me right now. I checked my reader this morning, and I’m currently subscribed to nearly 140 feeds from blogs and other sites, and I’m about to cut that back by at least 50%, if not more. I used to scan for headlines I’d want to read, but I don’t even do that anymore in some folders. I find myself too often just clicking “mark all as read” in several folders and figure it’s time to let them go.

So, for the time being, at least, I’m going out of business. “Everything that’s on my mind” is just too scattered right now to try to put into a post on any kind of regular basis. My online presence at Facebook (see right sidebar) will remain and I might even occasionally post something over there if I feel the need. But for now, this will be my last post here. The site will remain up for a least another month (as I’m now paid through late next month.) After that, it may go away or I may keep it online for a possible “comeback” in the future. We’ll see.

For now, that’s it. That’s the blog.

It was 10 days early, but I went ahead and got myself an iPod Nano (8G) last night. We were out shopping for something else, and with my birthday coming up, I was already planning on getting one with my family paying for part of it as my gift. Well, we were there, and there it was, so I went ahead and got it early.

It’s my first iPod, as my digital music device up until last night was a sandisk 1G player I got last year about this time. It was the cheapest I could find at the time with 1G at only around $30-$35, I believe. I got it mainly to have something for yard work last summer. Oh, and it was hot pink, but it was the only color they had. It’s been great for what it is, but also somewhat of a pain since it only holds 1G. With eMusic and other music purchases each month, I would fill it up with completely new music on a monthly basis and have to remove anything else. I’m glad to have more space now.

I considered other non-iPod devices - I’m not as thrilled with using iTunes, as I’ve enjoyed the ease of just dragging and dropping from folder to folder. But, everyone I know who has one recommended the iPod, and so I’ve been importing away since last night. I considered the 80G classic, and with over 90G of music on my hard drives right now, it seemed like a better choice. However, I ended up settling on the 8G. I think it will be enough for now.

Now, I’m off to import some Iron Maiden…

Here’s my latest…

Currently listening a lot to some solo work by Andrew Osenga (formerly of The Normals, currently of Caedmon’s Call) and Jon Foreman (Switchfoot).

Also, enjoying the new Delirious?, The Mountain Goats and Sandra McCracken (wife of one of my favorites, Derek Webb).

Anyway, here it is (no embedding this time.)

• Andrew Osenga
  Letters To The Editor Vol 1
  Souvenirs & Postcards
  Listen: “Swing Wide the Glimmering Gates”
   

• Jon Foreman
  Fall EP
  Winter EP
  Spring EP
  Listen: “Southbound Train” & “The Cure for the Pain”
   

• The Mountain Goats
  Heretic Pride
  Listen: “Sax Rohmer #1″
   

• Sandra McCracken
  Gravity Love
  Listen: “Shelter”
   

• Delirious?
  Kingdom of Comfort
  Listen: “Kingdom of Comfort”
   

• M Ward
  Post-War
  Listen: “Requiem”
   

• Matthew Barber
  Ghost Notes
  Listen: “You and Me”
   

• Atomic Opera
  Alpha and Oranges
   
• The Myriad
  Prelude to Arrows
   
  And last but not least…
   

• Bob Dylan
  Dylan
  Listen: “Subterranean Homesick Blues”

That’s it. That’s the list.

While I was wrong about predicting them to not reach the final four, my reason for doing so was, in the end, the reason they finished second - “Memphis’ bricks at the line will bring them down.”

I thought Kansas might have trouble lasting 40 minutes after the emotional game with UNC. And it appeared in the final minutes that they weren’t going to be able to finish this one like they did Saturday night. Memphis had the game in hand, but then missed four out of five free throws in the final minute, and Kansas sends it to overtime.

And now, Kansas has their third national championship, joining UCLA, Kentucky, Indiana, North Carolina and Duke as the only schools with three or more titles. (I believe that’s the full list, but it’s late, so don’t hold me to that.)

I saw Rick Pitino on PTI a month or so ago and they asked him about Memphis. He said their only possible weakness was at the line. Others have said the same. Unfortunately, despite having shot the ball quite well from the line during the tournament, it proved to be their downfall anyway.

I didn’t really care who won at this point, and just wanted a close, exciting game that went down to the end.

That’s what we got. A tremendous shot by Mario Chalmers to tie the game with two seconds left in regulation. When Kansas scored the first four points in overtime, I thought Memphis had to score the next trip down or it was over. They didn’t. It was.

I feel bad for Memphis. Anytime you lose a lead late in a game it’s unfortunate, but being up by nine with just over two minutes remaining and then missing four straight free throws to let Kansas back in it has to be devastating.

I’ve never been a Memphis fan, and have never really cared for Calipari, but I was sort of pulling for both teams tonight. I hated to see either team lose, and I would have felt bad for Memphis regardless of how they lost. But I really hated to see it happen the way it did.

Nevertheless, a great game to end the season.

Now, the long wait until November . . .

God bless Bill Self and the Kansas Jayhawks.

Danny Green isn’t dancing tonight.

Travel Hansblow is going home.

And Ol’ Roy may have changed his mind five years ago, but Kansas fans could still give a s*** about North Carolina. It had to be especially sweet for them to reach the title game by sending ol’ traitor Roy home.

An 18-0 run in the first half sealed Carolina’s fate, despite a furious comeback. I was almost certain that Bill Self’s team had self-destructed like so many Kansas teams - coached both by Self and ol’ Roy - had done in years past. I thought it was only a matter of time before UNC completed their comeback and was hailed as the greatest team to ever set foot on a basketball court and Travel Hansblow proclaimed to be the god of all living things.

When it was 40-12, I was thrilled. It was happening. Not only was Carolina going to lose, but they were being embarrassed. Far better. But when it was 54-50, my joy had fled and deep concern that Kansas was about to complete the biggest fold up by a team in final four history (which, with Kansas’ win, is still held by Maryland, who lost to Duke in 2001 after leading by 22 in the first half.)

Fortunately, Billy Packer - who with about 7:30 to go in the first half proclaimed on air that the game was over - proved to be a prophet after all. Kansas pulls out the win and sends UNC packing 84-66.

My day was made.

GTHC!

I wasn’t going to be surprised by anything in the final four, considering the caliber of teams playing. And despite picking UCLA, it wasn’t at all shocking to see Memphis take them out.

In Memphis’ last three games, they’ve looked as good as anyone has during the whole tournament, so I might be slightly shocked if they don’t win Monday night. Free throw shooting was supposed to be their only weakness, but I noticed in their win over Mississippi State in the 2nd round that they were hitting them down the stretch, and they did so again as Texas attempted a comeback. If they hit their free throws, they may not have any other weakness to exploit. They’ve been playing the “no respect” card, and seem intent on making sure everyone respects them by late Monday night. As of now, it looks like they just might get that respect after all.

I just hope it’s a good one, but for now, I think I’ll go with Memphis.

Okay, one more time: GTHC!

I grew up in a town where people who didn’t look like me lived on the other side of town, on the other side of the tracks (literally.) The town was, of course, more white than black, and my memory isn’t good enough to recall an accurate ratio of white kids to black kids at my elementary school, but 3 to 1 is my best guess, and is probably close.

I will never forget one particular time when I used “the word.” I can’t recall what grade I was in at the time, but I believe it was either fourth or fifth. After recess, in which my team had lost a particularly competitive game of kickball to a team primarily comprised of black kids, I was angry and let my feelings be known to a white friend in the hallway on our way to the restroom. That’s when it happened. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I used “the word.” And a black friend in my class, walking behind us, overheard me.

Understandably, he made a big scene and started shouting at me - in the hallway, into the restroom, while I was actually using the restroom. He was angry - and rightfully so - and I was angry, too, although probably more so at the fact that I’d been heard than the fact that I was an idiot. It wasn’t the first time I’d said it, and it probably wasn’t the last.

But what I remember most vividly was returning to my classroom. The word had already spread. When I walked in, I saw a friend of mine staring at me, with watery eyes. She was a good friend of mine. She had been since we were in kindergarten. She was one of my best female friends in my grade. And she was black.

That’s the last thing I remember about that day.

I’ve changed a lot since that day. Growing up in the 70’s, there were a lot of things that were not frowned upon the way they are today. Political correctness had not taken hold of society as strongly as it has these days. You could “get away with” a lot of things that you can’t today without being called on it or punished for it. Things have changed, and most of it is for the better.

I was still a few weeks away from my first birthday when Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered in Memphis. On this 40th anniversary of that tragic event, I am only a little bit proud of how far I’ve come since that day in the late 70’s, being very aware that I still have a long way to go. I believe we all do. This country has made significant progress since that day in Memphis when King was taken from us, and I believe that, were he alive today, he would praise that progress. But I believe that he would also lament that we’ve not made it further than we have. Despite the advances we have made in matters of race, we’re not there yet.

I honestly cannot remember if I apologized to my good friend or anyone else for my stupidity that day after recess. I believe I did, as she and I remained good friends, and I did maintain a good relationship with all of my black classmates after that day, even the guy who overheard me. I probably haven’t seen either of them since the early 80’s, after I left prior to our 9th grade year to attend a private school. I don’t know where they’re at or what they’re doing these days, but I hope, if they remember this story, that they know that I’m sorry, and that I’m ashamed of my part in it, and have forgiven me.