I just recently watched the documentary Jesus Camp. The best description I found of this camp was the review calling it a “Christian Madrasah.”

Here’s a few things I learned from viewing the film, which might give you an idea of what it’s like if you haven’t seen it:

Fundamentalist children need to change the world, because too many grownups are fat and lazy, and unwilling to fast (so said the heavyset pastor.)

Fundamentalist children can pray in tongues on command. Pastor says, “We’re going to pray in tongues” and begins to spout nonsensical gibberish. Children follow her lead.

Fundamentalist pastor says that, currently, the climate towards Christianity is the friendliest in her lifetime (I’m guessing she’s in her 40’s or maybe 50’s, but I’m never a good judge of age.) She attributes this to George W. Bush, saying that he has brought credibility to the Christian faith. That was probably one of the most stunning statements I heard in the film.

She also says that we need to “stand up and take back the land.” It wasn’t clear exactly what that means, but evidently it’s very important.

Twelve year old Levi, who has a really bad haircut, “got saved” at five years old. Reason? “Nothing was fun” and he “wanted more out of life.” I’m not questioning him, but that’s just the first time I’ve ever heard of a five year old wanting more out of life.

“Creation Adventure” appears to be a video series designed to teach creationism and mock evolution.

As described during an apparent homeschool “science” class:

• Global Warming is a myth
• Creationism is the only answer to all of our questions. (Although, “the origin of God” seems like a big one and I’m not sure creationism covers that one sufficiently.)
• Fundamentalist children would not enjoy a school that says “creationism is stupid”, but would love to attend a school that says “evolution is stupid.” (It’s unclear if such schools actually exist.)
• Science doesn’t prove anything.

God doesn’t want us to send our kids to public schools. (Homeschooling appears to be His choice.)

Fundamentalist homeschooled chlidren pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, the Bible, and the American flag.

The public schools began falling apart when they removed public prayer, and many parents are now asking “Where is my country?”

Praying over a bowling ball before launching it down the alley will only get you a gutter ball. Conclusion: God despises bowling.

Nine year olds distributing Jack Chick tracts at a bowling alley is possibly an effective evangelistic tool (results were not immediately apparent.)

Carman albums are the music of choice at “Jesus Camp”.

Harry Potter is not a hero. He is, in fact, an enemy of God. Had he lived during the time of the Old Testament, “he would have been put to death.” (I don’t recall any fictional characters being put to death in the OT, but my OT knowledge is probably not as strong as it should be.)

When a child admits to having watched a Harry Potter movie, other kids look at him as if he’d just announced that he was, in fact, Satan himself.

It’s easy to bring a room of children to tears. Just repeatedly tell them what horrible sinners they are.

Fortunately, Nestle bottled water can cleanse your hands of sin and the pastor had some on hand for the kids to wash it away.

If a child mentions that he sometimes doubts God’s existence and the reliability of the Bible, other kids in the room will be stunned and speechless, only looking around to see if anyone else can react to such an unprecedented and incomprehensible revelation.

Ghost stories do not honor God.

If you’re going to use the phrase “punishment for sin and death” in a Powerpoint presentation, then you need to use a font (colored red, of course) that looks like it’s dripping blood.

The most frequent prayer requests among fundamentalists appear to be for: (1) God to stop abortion (2) God to send revival.

God doesn’t like to go to “dead churches”, where people are quiet. He likes to go to churches who invite Him properly - via jumping, shouting and praising Him.

Fundamentalist children need to be “simmered in the Spirit.” (No idea.)

President Bush has surrounded himself with Spirit filled people. (Not sure if this was referring to the real President Bush, or the cardboard standup of the president that they brought on stage at Jesus Camp.)

“Changing America” is of utmost importance. (Stopping abortion and revival are mentioned again in prayer, so it would appear that those things, along with “righteous judges”, are the keys to change.)

Bush’s nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court was extremely important.

Ted Haggard believes homosexuality is sinful. (My assumption, considering more recent revelations, is that this applies only to people not named Ted Haggard.)

Haggard gives out preaching advice to twelve year old Levi. (Hopefully, he didn’t give him any advice on other areas, such as his social life, for example.)

According to Haggard, the church tells children God loves them while the public schools tells them they’re animals.

There’s a new church like Haggard’s being born every two days in the U.S., enough to sway any elections. “It’s a fabulous life”, says Haggard.

It’s cool to be a martyr.

Street conversations:

Fundamentalist child: Do you know where you’ll be when you die?
Black men: Heaven.
Fundamentalist child: Are you sure?
Black men: Yes.
Fundamentalist child: Okay.
(children walk away)
Fundamentalist child: I think maybe they were Muslim.
Fundamentalist child #2: Yeah.

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(white people refuse tracts when approached by fundamentalist children)
Fundamentalist child: Maybe they’re Christians already.
Fundamentalist child #2: Yeah.

When extreme liberals see fundamentalist children opposing abortion, then must be shaking in their boots.

Most of the people in the U.S. are conservative, and liberalism is dead.

We are a nation of Indians ruled by Swedes (as India is the most religious country on earth, Sweden the most irreligious.)

Democracy is the greatest political system on earth, but will eventually destroy itself because it includes the unfortunate attribute of giving equal freedom to everyone (as opposed to freedom only for Christians, I assume?)

And, the most important thing I learned: I’ll never let my kids near any such camp.