Despite the unfortunate fact that Duke lost to Maryland tonight, I’m still able to laugh at this. I particularly liked the last sentence. The Onion always cracks me up. I missed this a couple of weeks ago. (link)

Mike Krzyzewski Assures Duke Players That Team Is Ranked 26th
February 15, 2007

Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski reassured his slumping basketball team, which fell from the national top-25 rankings for the first time in 11 years following losses to Virginia, Florida State, UNC, and Maryland that they are in fact the very first team to have fallen off the charts. “Don’t worry, gentlemen, we’re the first team listed once you get past all those teams there in the poll,” Krzyzewski said in a post-practice team meeting at which he unveiled a banner stating the new team philosophy, “Unbeaten In Practice Equals Practically Unbeaten.” “Duke is not just another also-ran—we’re the top shelf of the second tier of college basketball.” Krzyzewski blamed his team’s recent fall in the rankings to a combination of unusually even-handed officiating, and “vengeful” opposing teams “running up the score” to a total of one or more points than Duke’s.

Another Onion article I liked:

Bush Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Congress

And, of course, there’s “A bombing a day” from The Daily Show: