I love the writing of Philip Yancey. He has been one of my very favorite authors over the last 12 years or so. The first book of his I read may still be my favorite of his works - The Jesus I Never Knew. I’ve read most of his books at this point. Disappointment with God and What’s So Amazing About Grace? are other favorites, along with his books written in conjunction with Dr. Paul Brand. With titles like Disappoinment with God, Where Is God When It Hurts? and Church: Why Bother?, some criticize him for what might appear to be a lack of faith. It is anything but. However, he does ask questions that many in popular Christian writing don’t, and perhaps that’s why I enjoy him so much. There are days when I feel full of faith. But there are also days when, honestly, I wonder if there’s really any reason to believe. And reading others’ questions of doubt and their journey through them is something I not only enjoy, but probably need at times.

I just began reading his newest book, Prayer : Does It Make Any Difference? Probably not since Church : Why Bother? have I been so interested in his perspective on a subject. (When Church was released, I was asking myself that same question.) Prayer has almost always been difficult for me. It is unnatural and, in a way, uncomfortable, to be speaking to the unseen, often wondering if anyone besides myself is hearing the words. It is also often a task that I find feels more like a duty than the priviledge it is supposed to be. I need to punch the ticket, check the box, get it over with so I can move on to other (seemingly more important) things. And the lack of any audible response often makes it harder to understand what the response is - if there is one at all. So, I am anxious to ingest this book because Yancey always provides me with some of the answers I am looking for or at least the desire to continue on with whatever I might be struggling with at the time.

Early on Yancey discusses Adam’s pre-Fall relationship with God, and how it was perfectly natural for Adam to commune with his Creator. But, “at the moment of the fall, for Adam and for all who succeeded him, God’s presence grew more remote, easier to doubt and even deny.”

Yancey continues:

Every day my vision clouds over so that I perceive nothing but a world of matter. It requires a daily act of will to remember what Paul told the sophisticated crowd in Athens: ‘[God] is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.’ For this reason prayer may seems strange, even embarrassing.

For most of us, much of the time, prayer brings no certain confirmation we have been heard. We pray in faith that our words somehow cross a bridge between visibile and invisible worlds, penetrating a reality of which we have no proof. We enter God’s milieu, the realm of the spirit, which seems much less real to us that it did to Adam.”

Some days life moves along smoothly. I (wrongly) perceive that I am not in need of God’s aid to make it through the day, and thus prayer does not seem as urgent. Other days, life sucks and I know I need him, but even then it is sometimes difficult to muster a prayer because the question is always lurking: will it do any good? Or, as Yancey’s title asks, does it make any difference? Perhaps the real question behind that is this: is God really even out there?

Somedays, it seems as though He isn’t. My faith tells me otherwise. But the “feeling” often obscures what I believe to be true. I don’t feel that prayer is worth it, so it isn’t done. I don’t feel anything will change, so I move on to something else. I don’t feel any closer to God, so I look for something else that will perhaps change that.

In short, prayer, for me, is hard. Hard to understand (how does it work?), hard to want to do (why bother?), and hard to make time for (because ultimately, I want to be in control of my own life instead of depending on Someone else.) I don’t want to leave the impression that I never pray or that when I do I think it’s a waste of time. I’ve seen answered prayer in my own life, and I suppose it should inspire more faith that prayer is worth it and makes a difference. But yes, there are many days where I struggle with putting forth the effort and wonder if I’m just talking to myself.

I doubt Yancey will bring to light any new revelation, anything that I don’t already know because “the Bible tells me so.” I know what God says about prayer. But when I read Yancey say “Why pray? I have asked this question almost every day of my Christian life”, I am interested in the conclusions he’s drawn about prayer and how it might encourage me in my own prayer life. I look forward to moving through this book, and I’m sure I’ll post more about it as I do.